My take on singles groups and ministries
I think that the singles ministries at various churches around the metroplex provide a valuable service to those who have experienced the loss of a relationship whether due to death, divorce or a break-up.
Having said this I think they can also become a crutch. When you first have an injury you try to walk and can't. You get a pair of crutches. At first they feel awkward, it takes forever to get used to them. You finally become comfortable using crutches and when you are healed, you try to walk without the aid of crutches and you feel awkward. Of course you walk some without and some with, always knowing the crutches are at home in case you need them. I have been socializing with the singles ministries on and off for 9 years. I have met hundreds of singles from 5 singles ministries or more and have yet to meet one that would choose an invitation to an event off of their groups' calendar. Now at first when I tell them how much I enjoy a certain event they are enthusiastic about trying it. When the date of this event rolls around and they have a choice of going to another group event where they will see the same 20-30 acquaintances they have known for years or stepping out of their comfort zone to potentially make a new friend, they will choose the comfort zone every time. Now in these groups if the group ever folded they would never see these acquaintences again. Not unless they were to bump into them at some large event someday accidentally. The real friend they could make would still be there.
One way that you form a friendship (real friendship) is you invite a friend to try an event they seem to be interested in, they go with you, they like it, they reciprocate by inviting you to something else, YOU SAY YESand go. You now have the group and a new friendship. The friendship grows from there. Now I am not talking about making a "friend" in a group and having them contact you to see if you'll be there and going because of you. Just more comfort zone.
Now if they took you up on your invitation and skipped a group event they would still get to see the same acquaintances the next time they attended anyway. If a single ever grows tired of seeing the same people again and again they just move on to the next singles group or event. After 9 years of these groups and relying on an arbitrary group of people to plan my social calendar, I want something more. Don't get me wrong, I still love the events to attend but something more as well. It occurs to me if these singles are not willing to miss a group event in the interest of finding a (real) friend how are they capable of forming a love relationship?
I think the groups should be used for a temporary period of time to meet new people (fellowship) and have a support group. When you get to the point in life where all you want for yourself is acquaintances and only do what everyone else picks for you, you need to take a long look at what you want for yourself. I think we all deserve something more real. It could never be more important than when you are single and don't have someone to come home to or share your dreams with.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Emerald City
UPDATE ON EMERALD CITY
My son Brian, now 23, was terminated from yet another job.This termination was following the second time he went to see Emerald City. This time without me. He wanted to show his girlfriend the band. Brian worked at Nautica in Allen from Sept. 2008-December 2008. There were no signs that the end was coming, quite the opposit - his hours had increased - A sign that he was doing well. The reason given for the termination which was before Xmas Day: they had hired other people. He had open availability and was doing very well there. Brian has pounded the pavement and applied all over town since his UNTIMELY termination and all to no avail. This has nothing to do with the current job market.These are entry level positions. Refer to blog - (What is a Man part 2) for more info.
My son Brian, now 23, was terminated from yet another job.This termination was following the second time he went to see Emerald City. This time without me. He wanted to show his girlfriend the band. Brian worked at Nautica in Allen from Sept. 2008-December 2008. There were no signs that the end was coming, quite the opposit - his hours had increased - A sign that he was doing well. The reason given for the termination which was before Xmas Day: they had hired other people. He had open availability and was doing very well there. Brian has pounded the pavement and applied all over town since his UNTIMELY termination and all to no avail. This has nothing to do with the current job market.These are entry level positions. Refer to blog - (What is a Man part 2) for more info.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Blogspots
My Blogsites would not be an advantage to any particular band or venue that I returned to often, it would have about the same earning potential that a movie critic would if he kept reviewing the same movie. The readers would quickly lose interest in returning to the site.
Friday, September 12, 2008
What is a Man part 2
The day after the last time I visited Emerald City my son Brian lost his 4 month job at Cheddars. Brian is 22 years of age and had accompanied me to Champps in Addison to listen to the band as he had several times before. Supposedly he was terminated for taking a sick day. Many other staff members had called in sick during the 4 months he worked there but this was his first. He had tried everything including getting others to trade shifts. He was informed that since it was Halloween he would need a doctors note to cover the sick day to keep his job. He thought they were bluffing. When he told Cheddars that they did not pay him enough to see a doctor he lost his job. None of this was the reason for his termination. Leverage was the reason for his termination on Nov. 1, 2007.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
What is a Man?
What is a Man?
I sometimes ask myself this question. I have raised my son of 20 years as a single parent since he was 12. Before my ex husband moved out we endured 3 years of physical abuse. Abused by a family member living under the roof. My son was too young and helpless to stop the violence. After the offender moved out things were peaceful. We bonded. My son loved Scouting and I felt good that he had strong male role models. His father lived 15 mins away and they did talk some. That did not last long. I don't think his father has called him on the phone or seen him in several months. His older brother still lives with his dad. They are only 2 years apart. Yes, they are both full brothers and sons of the same man. You wouldn't know it tho. My son always gets his father's voice mail when he tries to call him. Since the family split in 2000 I have gone out and made other single friends. I decided I would not date. I did not want to bring a questionable man into our lives. I wanted my son to grow up with the same values I had learned as a child. Unfortunately, while I was going out meeting people I met someone that had an opening for a volunteer. I started volunteering under the understanding that I might eventually be hired. I was never hired. It turned out I was good for business, made him alot of money. Eventually I wanted gainful employment. I applied at a company and was hired. I worked there for about a month and was terminated. I found out that this friend I had volunteered for had caused the termination. He didn't want competition for my time. I stopped volunteering for his company and ended the friendship. Chalked it up to stupidity. Waited a couple months and tried to get another job. This one ended after only 2 days. I was the quickest worker there. I found out this same man had caused this termination as well. I did not need the money. I just wanted to have some independence and feel worth something. I will not be able to get a job now because of the time I volunteered. My son knows who is preventing me from being able to work. I wonder does he think this is what it is to be a man? He attends college. He sees men that are professors. He has an internship. He has worked with these men for 2-3 years. So as long as all a man does is work, then yes he will know what a man is. Unfortunately his nearby Grandfather died when he was preschool age. My father lives in Florida and we have only been able to see him at holiday times. Not enough to be a regular role model. His father and I are only children. No uncles. Being the youngest of 2 sons he and I have always had a strong bond. I was a stay-at home mom. You cannot teach or counsel these things. They have to be modeled. Since I resigned myself to never having a paycheck and that was not leverage enough to get me back into his life this friend has used his connections to take a house my parents once lived in. Since destroyed by hurricanes the house will be owned by the town where this house is in a couple weeks if $80,000 of repairs are not done. Because it is 15 mins away from my parents my ex who has more than enough money will not do the repairs. He owns it. It is worth $300,000. We will lose all the $300,000. So I will not be able to stay in that house while caring for my parents who are 80 now because I volunteered for a friend. All of this because this man can't take no for an answer. Now I ask "What does my son think a man is?"
The only thing I am grateful for is that my son never got to know this man. There has been enough damage done just hearing and seeing the fallout.
I sometimes ask myself this question. I have raised my son of 20 years as a single parent since he was 12. Before my ex husband moved out we endured 3 years of physical abuse. Abused by a family member living under the roof. My son was too young and helpless to stop the violence. After the offender moved out things were peaceful. We bonded. My son loved Scouting and I felt good that he had strong male role models. His father lived 15 mins away and they did talk some. That did not last long. I don't think his father has called him on the phone or seen him in several months. His older brother still lives with his dad. They are only 2 years apart. Yes, they are both full brothers and sons of the same man. You wouldn't know it tho. My son always gets his father's voice mail when he tries to call him. Since the family split in 2000 I have gone out and made other single friends. I decided I would not date. I did not want to bring a questionable man into our lives. I wanted my son to grow up with the same values I had learned as a child. Unfortunately, while I was going out meeting people I met someone that had an opening for a volunteer. I started volunteering under the understanding that I might eventually be hired. I was never hired. It turned out I was good for business, made him alot of money. Eventually I wanted gainful employment. I applied at a company and was hired. I worked there for about a month and was terminated. I found out that this friend I had volunteered for had caused the termination. He didn't want competition for my time. I stopped volunteering for his company and ended the friendship. Chalked it up to stupidity. Waited a couple months and tried to get another job. This one ended after only 2 days. I was the quickest worker there. I found out this same man had caused this termination as well. I did not need the money. I just wanted to have some independence and feel worth something. I will not be able to get a job now because of the time I volunteered. My son knows who is preventing me from being able to work. I wonder does he think this is what it is to be a man? He attends college. He sees men that are professors. He has an internship. He has worked with these men for 2-3 years. So as long as all a man does is work, then yes he will know what a man is. Unfortunately his nearby Grandfather died when he was preschool age. My father lives in Florida and we have only been able to see him at holiday times. Not enough to be a regular role model. His father and I are only children. No uncles. Being the youngest of 2 sons he and I have always had a strong bond. I was a stay-at home mom. You cannot teach or counsel these things. They have to be modeled. Since I resigned myself to never having a paycheck and that was not leverage enough to get me back into his life this friend has used his connections to take a house my parents once lived in. Since destroyed by hurricanes the house will be owned by the town where this house is in a couple weeks if $80,000 of repairs are not done. Because it is 15 mins away from my parents my ex who has more than enough money will not do the repairs. He owns it. It is worth $300,000. We will lose all the $300,000. So I will not be able to stay in that house while caring for my parents who are 80 now because I volunteered for a friend. All of this because this man can't take no for an answer. Now I ask "What does my son think a man is?"
The only thing I am grateful for is that my son never got to know this man. There has been enough damage done just hearing and seeing the fallout.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Indoor Fireworks
Indoor Fireworks - Gaylord Texan
Friday, August 22
I took my sons and a couple of their friends over to the Gaylord Texan on Friday night to see the indoor fireworks dispay. It is an impressive show. Although it is only8 minutes long, they are larger than I would have thought possible for an indoor venue. They reach almost as high as the glass ceiling in the atrium. The show is put on by North Texas Pyrotechnics. The hotel also has a fire twirler perform before the fireworks at 9:30. Friday, August 29 will be the last week for the indoor fireworks. Something different to do. There is a daily parking rate of $10.00 at the Gaylord.
www.NorthTexasPyro.com
www.gaylordtexan.com
http://dfwmusic.blogspot.com
http://dfwmusic.blogs.friendster.com
http://360.yahoo.com/dallasmusic
http://www.care2.com/c2c/share/detail/856941
Friday, August 22
I took my sons and a couple of their friends over to the Gaylord Texan on Friday night to see the indoor fireworks dispay. It is an impressive show. Although it is only8 minutes long, they are larger than I would have thought possible for an indoor venue. They reach almost as high as the glass ceiling in the atrium. The show is put on by North Texas Pyrotechnics. The hotel also has a fire twirler perform before the fireworks at 9:30. Friday, August 29 will be the last week for the indoor fireworks. Something different to do. There is a daily parking rate of $10.00 at the Gaylord.
www.NorthTexasPyro.com
www.gaylordtexan.com
http://dfwmusic.blogspot.com
http://dfwmusic.blogs.friendster.com
http://360.yahoo.com/dallasmusic
http://www.care2.com/c2c/share/detail/856941
Sunday, August 3, 2008
A Little Night Music
Symphonic Saturdays
Addison's Esplanade Park
Saturday, August 2
A friend and I decided to try the Saxophone Quartet playing at the Symphonic Saturdays series. They were wonderful. They played show tunes - Somewhere Over theRainbow, the Pink Panther theme, some jazz - a Glenn Miller medley, Java Jive, Georgia on My Mind, and a few classical songs. A nice way to spend a Saturday evening. The saxophone quartet was part of the Dallas Wind Symphony. For the August schedule of concerts visit http://www.addisontexas.net/
Addison's Esplanade Park
Saturday, August 2
A friend and I decided to try the Saxophone Quartet playing at the Symphonic Saturdays series. They were wonderful. They played show tunes - Somewhere Over theRainbow, the Pink Panther theme, some jazz - a Glenn Miller medley, Java Jive, Georgia on My Mind, and a few classical songs. A nice way to spend a Saturday evening. The saxophone quartet was part of the Dallas Wind Symphony. For the August schedule of concerts visit http://www.addisontexas.net/
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